White Water Page 26

  Fortunately, she had touched upon a subject dear to his heart. He was thoroughly enjoying his time with the capable shepherd and was quite happy to talk of their mutual experiences. The other less acceptable topic was put aside and no further reference made to it.

  *

  Meanwhile Eloise had shown Felicity to her own chamber, which they were to share for the next few days. She left the girl to refresh herself and then, after a decent interval, rejoined her in the little room which would not be hers for much longer.

  Felicity was admiring the bridal gown which hung against the wall. It was of heavy cream brocade and the head-dress was of pink and gold with creamy lace.

  ‘’Tis exquisite,’ she said, turning as Eloise entered the chamber. ‘And ’twill be quite perfect with your rich auburn hair. Martin told me you were beautiful and he did not exaggerate.’

  Her candour impressed Eloise and she eagerly began to show off the other items of finery — the delicate lace mittens and dainty satin slippers.

  ‘And Allan has not seen the gown?’ asked Felicity.

  ‘Why, no. That would be bad luck.’

  She showed Felicity the petticoat she had scalloped and the fine white hose. ‘And this necklace,’ she said. ‘’Tis Allan’s gift to me. I have given him a silver knife with an ivory handle. My parents are giving us a chest full of blankets and — but forgive me. I prattle on so. But you will wed one day and then you will understand and excuse my excitement.’

  A slight shadow passed over Felicity’s face but she made no answer and Eloise regretted her tactless remark. Presumably the girl had no dowry and would not easily find a husband.

  ‘Ellie, my maid, is as eager as I am for the day to arrive,’ said Eloise, changing the subject clumsily. ‘And her mother, Minnie, the cook. She’s busy baking from dawn to dusk. She has only just recovered from the harvest supper and now she has to start again! But she loves it and Maggie is helping her. What shall we do now? You must not let me go on so.’

  Felicity protested that she was not in the least bored by the conversation but Eloise was and she led the way downstairs again to rejoin the menfolk. Hugo had not returned and Maria was elsewhere. Only the four younger people remained in the Hall. Allan suggested that they walk awhile in the garden and they did so, eventually making their way down the steps to the riverside garden.

  ‘’Tis beautiful!’ exclaimed Felicity.

  ‘You outshine it,’ said Martin.

  Eloise glanced at Allan, hoping he would make an equally flattering remark about her, but he merely nodded.

  ‘No wonder Martin spends so much time in Kent!’ he joked.

  Felicity, seeing Eloise’s face tighten, said hastily, ‘I swear I can smell almonds.’

  ‘Indeed you can,’ said Allan. ‘’Tis the small white flowers that grow on the surface of the water. They are almond-scented.’

  ‘We’ll take some roots back to Romney House if you wish,’ said Martin. ‘No doubt ’twill grow on the pond there.’ He reached over the water to pull out a few strands and Felicity gave him a steadying hand in case he overbalanced. It was a very natural gesture and spoke of their relationship without words. Eloise felt a pang at their obvious closeness and wondered anew how they behaved towards each other in the privacy of Romney House. Was Felicity still a paid companion and, if so, to whom, for Ruth was dead? Or had she assumed the role of cook or housekeeper? No, there was a cook. Her eyes narrowed slightly. She would drop a careless word to Maria when next the opportunity arose. The girl did not deserve the attentions of a boy like Martin. Was it possible he would waste his time with her? She reached out her own hand and took Martin’s.

  ‘I haven’t shown you my new mare,’ she told him gaily. ‘’Tis a gift from Hugo and Maria. We can leave these two to become acquainted. They will not miss us for a few moments.’

  Martin allowed himself to be led away to the stable with Eloise’s arm casually linked through his own. Felicity watched them go then she and Allan looked at each other. Allan saw in her eyes the love she felt for Martin and she read in his the doubt and pain he could never express.

  ‘’Tis only three more days,’ she said simply.

  He continued to regard her with the same vulnerable look, then he sighed and nodded and they walked back to the house without speaking further.

  *

  The following day Melissa invited Felicity over to Ladyford to meet ‘the two bonniest grandchildren ever a woman was blessed with’ and Felicity accepted with alacrity. She was aware of the tension slowly building between Allan, Martin and Eloise, and knew also that her own presence was not helping the situation. She therefore asked Maria if she could stay at Ladyford overnight and make herself useful there. She was not a visitor in the true sense of the word and felt that in her position she should contribute something, particularly as there was so much to be done. Maria was quite agreeable and Melissa took her back to meet Nina and the little ones, and Felicity found them all charming. She and Nina managed to understand each other without too much difficulty and Felicity divided her time happily between caring for the children and helping Maggie with the cooking. Although she was sorry to be away from Martin, of whom she was too fond by far, she could not enjoy his company at Heron under Eloise’s watchful eye. The cheerful affectionate household at Ladyford was much more suited to Felicity’s gentle temperament. She relaxed among her friends and began to enjoy herself.

  And so it was that Eloise had the bed chamber unexpectedly to herself that night. She was awoken in the early hours by soft footfalls in the room and sat up sleepily to see a figure beside the bed. As she opened her mouth to scream a hand covered it firmly and she heard Martin’s voice whispering urgently to her to make no sound.

  ‘’Tis Martin. I mean you no harm.’

  ‘Martin? Sweet Heaven, what are you about? To come to my bed chamber … ’

  ‘Hush. I must speak with you and this is the only time we can be sure of secrecy.’

  ‘Dear God, I hope you’re right, for if anyone should see you here ’twill be my undoing!’

  She sat up, hugging the sheet around her, trying to make out the expression on his face in the darkness. She was alarmed by his temerity, but greatly exhilarated by the fact that he was in her room and had ‘urgent’ matters to discuss. She thought she could guess what they were and she would refuse him — but she would have the satisfaction of his declaration. It would be their secret, a bond between them that nothing could break.

  ‘I think you know what I have to say — ’ he began. ‘I have seen it in your eyes — the feeling you have for me.’

  ‘A feeling?’

  ‘Aye. ’Tis no less than mine for you. Eloise, we love each other. Do you deny it?’

  ‘I do indeed,’ she gasped. ‘Why, I am to wed Allan the day after tomorrow. I shall be another man’s wife.’

  ‘’Tis not seemly that you should! You do not love him. You know it, and so does he. ’Tis you and I, Eloise. We are the lovers. Ever since we first set eyes on each other. Confess it. I have seen it in your glances. You cannot pretend ’tis otherwise.’

  ‘Martin how can you expect me to confess such a thing at this time?’ He was standing beside the bed, looking down at her. With a trembling hand she lit the candle and in its glow she saw the passion in his eyes. She set the light on the other side of the bed.

  ‘Sit beside me,’ she whispered, ‘so that we can speak more softly. If anyone finds us together — ’

  ‘I care not if they do!’ he said fiercely. ‘We should be together. ’Tis not too late. Be my wife, Eloise. Allan does not care for you enough nor you for him. ’Twould be a shallow union. In God’s name, Eloise, confess your love for me and say you will wed me, for I swear I shall not leave your bedside until you do.’

  ‘Martin! Don’t speak so wildly,’ she begged. ‘Oh, what have I done to bring this about? I have given you no word — ’

  ‘I did not need words. I saw your true feelings in every glance.’


  She saw his gaze travel along the outline of her body revealed by the light coverlet, and the candlelight revealed the desire he felt for her. She almost wished that Allan could discover them together. Then he would see that other men coveted her wholeheartedly. He had been so distressed recently by the Bucher affair, and before that he had been engrossed with the mine. She had taken second place when she ought to have been first and foremost. There were only days now before the wedding, but still he would ride off to be ‘alone with his thoughts’.

  ‘My true feelings?’ she repeated. ‘Oh no, you must not talk that way, Martin. You must not ask me to compromise myself by such a declaration. ’Tis not worthy of you. Allan is your brother.’

  ‘What matter? He might be the Queen’s consort for ought I care! He is not the man for you, Eloise. I am. Will you not admit you love me?’

  ‘I dare not.’

  ‘That says it loud and clear!’ he cried triumphantly. He took her hand and held it to his lips and the sheet slipped down to expose her full breasts. ‘Oh what sweetness!’ he whispered. ‘Let me kiss them.’

  As he bent his head she retrieved the sheet with a halfhearted protest.’

  ‘You must not! For pity’s sake.’

  ‘Then say you love me or I will kiss every inch of your body! I will hear those words from you, Eloise.’

  ‘I — I am fond of you — ’ she faltered.

  ‘Don’t speak of fondness but of love!’ cried Martin. The nearness of her naked body inflamed him. His body stirred and stiffened and his voice was hoarse. Suddenly Eloise realized that the adventure might not end the way she anticipated and felt the first stirrings of unease. What if he took her unwillingly? What if he proved too strong for her and would accept no denial? She drew back, holding him at arm’s length.

  ‘I cannot speak of love,’ she insisted. ‘You must not ask it. You must leave me.’

  ‘I have told you I will not go without those words.’

  ‘And if I give them?’

  ‘Then I shall never let you go! You know I love you, Eloise. You have always known it.’

  ‘But Felicity?’ she murmured. ‘I have seen how you look at her. I quite thought you felt some passion — ’

  ‘Felicity Carr? Are you mad? She is nothing to me. I am kind to her, no more than that.’

  ‘I have seen her look at you with love.’

  ‘I do not return it, then.’

  ‘You live under the same roof,’ Eloise persisted, ‘and you will not deny she is attractive.’

  ‘No, I’ll not deny that but I have eyes only for you. Don’t waste words on her. We are talking of our love and our future.’

  Eloise sighed. ‘We have no future, Martin. Whatever I might feel for you I cannot betray Allan. He is my betrothed and cares for me in his own way.’

  He stood up suddenly, unable to bear the proximity, and moved away so that his face was hidden from her. He put out a hand to steady himself against the wall and bent his head. His other hand slid down to his loins to comfort the throbbing that threatened to overwhelm him. Seeing the gesture, Eloise felt an answering thrill and longed for him to come back and lie with her. Suddenly she wanted to explore and experience love for a second time. Her body demanded attention from his and it was all she could do not to call him to her. She sat hugging her legs, drowning in the sweet feelings that spread to every part of her body. She wanted him to make love to her. But a small urgent voice warned that the penalty for such bliss would be severe — if it were discovered. And Martin would not remain silent, she was sure of that. If she yielded to him he would never give her up.

  He turned slowly back to face her. ‘Then tell me you do not love me and I will go,’ he said evenly.

  She stared up at his ardent face and was greatly tempted to say, ‘I love you. Take me’.

  He said again, ‘Tell me you do not love me. Say you do not want me.’

  ‘I — Oh Martin, I beg you.’

  He took a step nearer and her own desire flared at his approach. ‘Marry me, Eloise, and come to Romney House. We will be happy there, I swear it. Say that you love me and we will go tonight — now! We will steal away and be wed secretly. No one need know until we are man and wife. You want me, I can see it in your eyes, and this nearness torments me.’ He moved forward and knelt beside the bed. ‘I am pleading with you, my sweet Eloise. Do what your heart tells you is right. Wed the brother you love. Wed me, Eloise. Give me an answer or I swear I shall take you here and now, in this very bed, and then there will be no argument. I could do it if I had a mind — but I will not threaten you. Do not look at me that way. I would not hurt you. But do not play with my feelings any longer. Give me an answer.’

  She still hesitated and at last he raised his head. His expression had hardened and his eyes were suddenly cold.

  ‘If I were to inherit Heron,’ he said, ‘would that change your mind?’

  Eloise caught her breath. The shock of his question, so near the truth, was like a douche of cold water. She began to stammer an answer but her voice trembled.

  ‘I see,’ he said.

  ‘You don’t!’ she cried. ‘You don’t begin to understand. ’Tis not that I would not wed you — ’

  ‘If I were to inherit Heron you would still refuse me?’

  ‘Martin, I — ’ She fell silent.

  ‘So that’s it,’ he said softly. ‘You are marrying Heron, not Allan. Dear God, I pity him.’

  ‘Don’t!’ she cried. He stood up and moved towards the door. ‘Don’t you dare say such terrible things. Don’t you dare leave me this way. Martin, you can’t believe that. How dare you accuse me. You come uninvited into my room and then insult me.’ She was furiously angry. It was the only way she could cope with the painful truth of what he had said. She had not expected him to see her motives so clearly and could not tolerate his lowered opinion of her. She could not bear it to end this way, with this cold rejection of her. She sprang out of bed and crossed the room to him. She was naked and her body glowed warmly in the flickering candlelight.

  ‘Martin, think kindly of me,’ she begged him. ‘What can I say that will convince you that my intentions are honourable? I don’t wish us to part this way. If you love me as you pretend you do, then how can you revile me so? Or treat me so harshly? Martin, listen to me. Hear me out.’ She put a hand on his arm. ‘If I lay with you this once, will that suffice? Will you be content? If I give myself to you to prove my love, will you never speak to me again of marriage — and of what has passed between us? Oh Martin, I am yours for the taking. Allan need never know.’

  His eyes darkened in his pale face. ‘You would give yourself to me and then wed Allan to gain Heron? Is that what you mean?’ With a muttered oath she struck out at him, but he caught her hand and thrust her back. ‘I decline your offer,’ he said. ‘Allan is welcome to whatever you have to give.’

  And he pushed her away and went out, closing the door softly behind him.

  Eloise stared in shocked disbelief at the closed door. She wanted to scream, run, fight — do anything to relieve the fury that threatened to choke her. She was tensed like a spring without the means to uncoil. A deep groan escaped her and she threw herself face downwards on the bed, pummelling the pillow in an agony of frustration, unable even to put into words the pent-up anger and shame which filled her. If Martin had reappeared before her, she would have killed him without a moment’s hesitation. Her deepest despair came from the knowledge that she had brought about her own downfall. She had encouraged him, but she had not intended it to end this way. She had wanted him to go on loving her. Then she would have won in the game they played. Now she had lost ignominiously and the bitterness was real. She had a sour taste in her mouth, and rage in her heart. She could never undo the shame he had inflicted upon her but — could she serve him as cruelly? The thought gave her the first ray of hope, the first glimmer that some of her wounded pride might be salvaged from the disaster. Or if not salvaged, then at least avenged. If only she could eve
n the score she felt she would not suffer so dreadfully. Perhaps her humiliation would not be so complete. She felt tarnished by the events that had just taken place and longed for comfort and reassurance that she was not as bad as Martin would have her believe. But there was no one to turn to. No one to whom she could recount the sorry story and expect sympathy. The blow to her self-esteem and the matters which led up to it could not be shared. Somehow she must deal with it alone. If only she could weep, she thought, desperately, but she remained stubbornly dry-eyed and there was no relief from tears.

  Throughout the hours that followed, Eloise tossed and turned in a torment of unexpressed emotion and turned the burning rage inward upon herself; her nerves, in fact her whole body suffered from the repressions of her energies. The adrenalin produced more energy which found no natural outlet and remained in her body like a poison. The desire for physical release from her anguished thoughts played on her imagination and her mind grew dark and fearful. As the night wore on she dozed fitfully and was a prey to horrid dreams in which violence and fear played equal parts. Her waking moments afforded no relief and the hours became a fevered succession of fantasies, in which she stood ridden with guilt and utterly despised by those who had formerly professed to love her. Not one tear passed her eyelids throughout the long dark hours.

  When she did not come down to breakfast, Maria sent Ellie to fetch her but the little maid ran back down again her face pale.

  ‘She’s not well, ma’am!’ she told a startled Maria. ‘She’s in bed still, tossing and turning and doesn’t know me! ’Tis I, Ellie, I told her but she stared at me as if I was a ghost and gave a little moan. She looks that wild, ma’am.’

  Maria left her breakfast at once and hurried towards the stairs. Hugo stared after her, a look of concern on his face. Martin lowered his eyes hastily as Hugo turned towards him. ‘I hope the child is not unwell,’ he said. ‘With the wedding tomorrow and everything arranged. It would be most untimely. All the visitors already on their way. Has she been in contact with any contagion, I wonder?’